My sources are listed below.
Jon Stewart / The Daily Show
Stephen Colbert / The Colbert Report
Creative Loafing Atlanta
Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Dr. Slutty Poppins
The rest of the stuff comes to me in dreams
that I often believe are reality,
97.3% of the statistics I make up,
and sometimes I just lie.
Seems like John Edwards
and a bunch of other politicians
are trying just a little too hard.
weren’t you just bitching about
other people posting retreaded
Yeah, but my mom called
me with this joke and told
me to post it to my blog.
I had a babysitter when I was a kid.
She was kind of a hippie type girl,
that really pissed me off to be honest.
she had nice boobs,
long brown hair,
and a really sweet ass,
so I was able to get past the hippie thing.
She used to heat up coke bottles,
and stretch them out into
I used to dream of being Batman,
and she was Cat Woman,
so I was doing her.
Which really explains everything to me.
I told her to turn that frown right around,
and this morning she woke up aces.
the power of positive thinking and stuff.
Of course we did have to pause for her
to take a chocolate break, but hey,
you got to do what you got to do to keep
things all harmonious.
One of these days I’m going to marry her
and then she will be Dr. Slutty Scandal,
and then we will both be happy.